My fingers traced the fault line
Down the length of your neck and back
The place it had taken me weeks and months to find
The answers, the truth: all of it inside.
Then you broke open
Revealing what I once held was nothing but an urn
Full of ashes
And burned, charred pieces of the heart I’d hoped could love.
Curls up from the fuse
You’ve lit on the end of your life
A life that’s now
Five minutes shorter.
I pretend it’s not attractive to me
I pretend I cannot see
That your face was made to be the perfect time bomb
Placed to detonate inside my chest
With a mushroom cloud to topple down
All my safety nets.
I used to think it was a glimmering fog around you
But it dispersed
Leaving just a smokescreen that surrounded you
Fueled by a thousand packs
I could never breathe the truth behind.
An aura of mystery, I would lie
So it’s all right if he has another light
And makes his life
Ten minutes shorter.
You said this was just how you were made.
You said nothing was worth it anyway
Optimism was just a phase I had to pass through
And I didn’t stop to ask you
What the hell does that even mean?
In all your poetic metaphors you couldn’t just say
That the answer to your riddle was death
And that’s all it ever was
That’s all you’ll ever mean
And why is it that you can’t see
That all your life will ever be is
Fifteen minutes shorter?
But I didn’t really see
Not until I heard what you whispered to yourself
You breathed in, puffed out, and said:
“Five minutes sooner.”
Keep running to her.
I’m sure Death will meet you halfway.
You’ll just have to wait for her to take
Each defeatist in her line
Everyone who likes to take their time
When committing suicide
You are not unique, just one of many in the queue
Waiting till it ends.
But it will
And so will you
Ten minutes sooner.
You can’t bring up
Someone who wants to be taken down
So I’m not playing mother any longer.
I pick darkness over
That shining candle of devotion
You lit with the flick of a gas lighter
As you led me to your altar
To wait inside a bar-less cell
Till the last piece of wax melts
And the flame and you both lose your life
Leaving just two wisps of smoke behind
Fifteen minutes sooner.
I think I could stand there forever.
My heart will wake up before the blackout
Stop beating out the countdown
Then spit out my final goodbye
Because you will not tell me how to live
When all you do is die
No, not one second longer
Because you and I are
Five minutes over.