Smoke by Berlin

Just stop.

We both know where this is going.

You don’t need to resort to clichés.

We’re done. 

It finally happened.

I get it.

Do not apologize as if it was unexpected.

We were merely waiting for this.

I mean, isn’t this the reason for your awkward laughter each time you hug me a little longer when I leave?

Isn’t this why you suddenly have to be somewhere else when I wake up in your arms and catch you watching me sleep?

Isn’t this the very reason our feelings were caged in our throats?

Do not be sorry.

This is a relief.

At least my eyes can rest from stalking your facebook page for any sign of feelings

At least my mind can rest from guessing what you’re gonna say once my clothes are back on.

At least my heart can rest from anticipating when you will finally figure out this charade.

No.

I do not need to hear this.

Not anymore.

It’s too late to tell me how you feel.

Do not try to mend the pain with words that are of no use to me now.

Do not try to cushion the blow by acting like the feeling had always been mutual.

Do not take away my right to hate you by looking just as hurt…

Cause you’re not.

As I try to rid the taste of you with bitterness and as I cleanse you off my body with tears… you get to move on.

You get to have the girl.

You get to have the family you always wanted.

You get to be the man you dreamed you would be.

You get to have the happiness you believed you could never have with me.

You do not get the right to claim you are hurting just as much.

I was a fool for you.

I was yours eventhough I knew it was always gonna be her… or if not, somebody like her.

I was never an option.

We both knew that.

It didn’t matter that you never laughed as hard with anybody else.

It didn’t matter that our fingers are like puzzle pieces meant to be together.

It didn’t matter that when my lips were on yours, the world felt like it was just as it should be.

Nothing mattered.

I didn’t matter.

I was merely keeping her side of the bed warm.

I was just the blow-up doll you were too ashamed to purchase.

The whore you never needed to pay for.

I was just me.

Stupid and blindly hoping that

maybe if I could spread my legs a little wider I can wrap you around them and make it harder for you to leave.

That maybe if I press your head a little deeper on my chest my heartbeat will convince you to stay.

I foolishly believed that skin and bones and sweat would somehow translate into words that you could understand.

These are just four corners.. four walls… How could you have missed what they meant?

You caused a war within me and logic always lost…

but maybe you leaving will bring order back.

Maybe when all these dust and smoke settles, I will see everything clearly.

Maybe then I can look back and be grateful for the lessons my time with you has taught me.

Maybe I will find peace.

Maybe I will even be lucky enough to find… me.

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