Collaboration by Fatma AlSumaiti and Batool Hasan

 FANGIRL VS. NORMAL PERSON

Fangirl: So, umm, I kinda like this boy…I want to lick his eyeballs.

Normal person: Ooookay. That escalated quickly.

Fangirl: Dude, I want to drown in his beautiful blue eyes. I mean, his eyes are the color of shattered crystals swimming in lake water… I just want to keep them in a jar! 

Normal person: And lick them? Chew on them? Ahh I get it. Think voodoo.

Fangirl: One day I’ll lose my virginity to him.

Normal person: How about NO.

Fangirl: It’s just so frustrating, I want to run my fingers through his silky hair….and keep some of it in my pocket.

Normal person: And keep pulling some more until you have enough to make a quilt. Or a jacket, right?

Fangirl: Well, his skin is so soft…I want to sleep in it.

Normal person: Uhh….sexy.

Fangirl: Actually, I want to make bed sheets out of his clothes. And I want to tie him up. In a bed.  With black sheets. In a motel.

Normal person: How about 50 shades of fucked up?

Fangirl: And ERMAAAAAGAWWWWD DUDE, He has a rather lovely voice, but it’ll sound better when I make him scream.

Normal person: Hmmm gurl, now we talking.

Fangirl: And have you seen his hairflip? Like I can’t eveeeeen. It’s like a unicorn strutting in moonlight….freaking majestic!

Normal person: Yeah, yeah, yeah. McDreamy hair…..wait-what?! I bet he hasn’t showered in ages, muddy and greasy!

Fangirl: Well, I volunteer to bathe him, that perf alien.

Normal person: “I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!” sorry. Seriously though, eww.

Fangirl: And his cheekbones….I want to polish his cheekbones, they’re soo…..hard.

Normal person: Ooooooooooh, that’s what she said.

Fangirl: Listen you ignorant midgardian, if his body was a canvas, then I’d happily be his paintbrush.

Normal person: That’s actually kinda hot. And dirty. And hawt.

Fangirl: His eyelashes are so delicate like snowflakes, I want to feel them brush against my cheeks. And when he laughs, it’s like the world around us brightens up.

Normal person: BARF.

Fangirl: His fingernails are perfect okay.

Normal person: So are mine.

Fangirl: I want to dirty talk to his seductive eyebrows.

Normal person: Would you like to French-kiss his nose too?

Fangirl: I can tell the difference between his right nostril and his left, okay, you mewling quim.

Normal person: Dude, you’re creeping me out.

Fangirl: Oh shut up, I bet you 20 KD that he snores gracefully.

Normal person: What? Does he fart snowflakes too?

Fangirl: Ha haaa, very funny. But dude, lemme tell you about his ears. I have this urge to tug on them with my teeth.

Normal person: My god, would you just stop! Who the hell are you talking about?

Fangirl: Ughhhhh, haven’t you been listening? I’m talking about Loki. The sexiest alien in all 9 realms.

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