Book by Hawra’a Khalfan

Life has taught me not to trust, and not to welcome. I was taught to shelter myself from everybody.  To shield myself from even those who seem to be worthy.  People wear masks and those masks only perish when it’s too late.  When you’ve given all you can give, when parts of you are deeply invested and it’s hard to step away.

Life has taught me that only time peels off those layers, and disappointment always resides at the core of it all. At the core of all those smiles, all those stolen glances, all of those melodies that dance within. I have learned that I should just go by the book, that I shouldn’t hold hands with fate, and pray that she guides me with heed.

Life has also taught me that security only remains when I follow the rules, when I don’t give in to want and focus on this persistent need to keep my heart whole. Yet, sometimes I can’t help but think that I risk building desolate voids when it comes to Love. My heart has taught me that when it comes to Love I shouldn’t listen to Life because it either is, or it isn’t- because even if you end up crushed, it’s worth it- because growth only comes when you build yourself back up. So, I’ve been stuck. I’ve been obsoletely running back and forth unable to know which guide to follow. Then, you happened- and all of Life’s lessons somehow ended up residing in the back of my mind as mere insecurities.

Life has taught me many lessons, which I seem to have gladly thrown away for you.  My brain tells me to heed Life- that my heart is stupid, and that my heart will break, but this attraction still persists.  Your attraction exists within all of me.  Everything about you is telling me that you’re right, so I’ve handed you myself whole.  I’ve given you all that I am. The pulse in my veins feels like it is being cocooned by your tender hands, and guided through back to my heart.

Here I am, shoving Life’s persistence into a dark abyss, because my walls have shattered out of comprehension, because even though you haven’t promised me the world, you turned right around and handed me it anyway.

 

One thought on “Book by Hawra’a Khalfan

  1. the way each of your walls was almost shattered with every word you confessed in the first half of your piece is truly mesmerizing. I was gripped by your whole-hearted outflow of emotion at the second half and how you preserved your vulnerability yet managed to channel the newly-found strength in you. Was a good read!

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