Addiction/Decay by Hawra’a Khalfan

I felt her breaths decaying;
breaking into micromolecules
broken but whole
refurbished into acceptance
of the decay
of the heartbreak
of the strength
it took for her to give up.

I love her
but I must learn to love myself
I must learn to give up my fragility and
prevail as a statue of perseverance
Because if I’m being honest with myself
If there is anything that woman taught me;
it is that your love for your children
should come first and foremost
before anything life throws at you.

So here I am,
a daughter
addicted to that feeling of protection
that umbrella of warmth she gave me.
Addicted to her love
Yet slowly turning into a mother
Starting to walk in her shoes
Starting to understand how big a mother’s heart truly is
Starting to realize no matter how much I loved her
she loved me infinitely more.
I just never understood
the depth of a mother’s love
I just never understood
that her battle with illness
was only prolonged to last this many years
because she was fuelled by her incessant instinctual need
to love and protect me.

Here I am,
bathing a child I haven’t even met yet
with all the love I could ever muster.
Once again learning from my Awatef,
that love overcomes all pain.

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