Goodbye by Shereen Abdelqader

I remeber goodbyes to be the ghosts that haunted all the ships in my nightmares when I was younger
Somewhere along the journey
They have become the chest of treasure I’m haunting for
For goodbyes meant closure
And that’s just too much of an easy, smooth sailing to hope for
Instead we took the coward’s way out
Leaving things vague and confusing

The tides high and rough
The mist too thick for clear vision
Everything I owned drenched in salty water
If goodbyes meant forgetting
Then the lack of them meant forever wondering
The words left unsaid sat heavy on deck
Their weights threatening to sink ship
For months, I couldn’t move on
Traced all the maps, the paths we took
Counted and recounted
Tried to read the stars for guidance
Obsessed over the scripts of what we said trying to find any semblance of finality
An implication of an ending
But no such grace would be found
The storms raged on
Endless nights were spent lost at sea
No islands of compromise to dock at anywhere in sight
I realized I was alone on board while the crew has long jumped ship
I was a prisoner in a story that wouldn’t end
A lonely voyage to nowhere
This ship will sink with or without me
And I had to learn to let go
I had to make my peace with it
And I have
The ship has sunk
The storms have died
And all I could do to live with the loss
Is to fabricate closure from good memories salvaged from the wreck

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