side by side-
top to tip
to free our
pale skin to the sun. Continue reading
side by side-
top to tip
to free our
pale skin to the sun. Continue reading
She was faced with a choice;
Off the top of her lungs
Off the edge of a cliff
Off for the whole world to hear
That this isn’t it
That this is not what she wants
This is not how she sees her life going
This isn’t right
A choice to yell Continue reading
There is a piece of me-
that loves destruction.
It’s the same part
that digs my nails into my skin and enjoys the pain it inflicts.
It’s the same piece that only feels alive
when I can unleash the anguish in my head
physically onto my skin. Continue reading
Living in a facade of strength,
but in reality, engulfed in nothing but humanlike perceptions
full of limitations and convulsions,
Unsure of what, but walking on an
which seemed to be leading me somewhere.
I hoped that i’d end up shaking hands with
a sure outcome.
a sure ideal.
Or, hopefully, a sure doctor? Continue reading
Letter to my sixteen year old self:
Don’t let the world drag you down. Don’t let anybody tell you what you are and what you aren’t. Your mother spent years calling you beautiful, don’t let society tell you otherwise. No, she isn’t crazy. (And no, a donkey is not a gazelle in his mother’s eyes.) Moms aren’t blind, they just see the beauty in you that you haven’t learned to see yet. She’s building you up in a society that is dragging you down. You owe that woman your strength as a woman later on in life. Continue reading
You wake up.
You wake up and
seek this feeling;
this… thing. Continue reading
She opened her eyes to once again reunite with a world that she feels alien in. She opened her eyes with a suffocating passion towards something she can not control. She opens her eyes to find all the doors she saw in her dreams closed shut.
Forcing her already wrinkled thirty year old face into a smile. This is how I’m going to look all day. She repeated to herself, forcing an even wider smile. She almost climbed out of bed without giving him a kiss. Continue reading
“I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, you know?”
“Yes, go on…”
“Laa’- oh my god- I don’t know how to express this. I just woke up feeling like today something is going to change. I didn’t know what, though. It was one of those shuffle shuffle tap tap days, everything was normal, but I wasn’t. My brain wasn’t normal. One of the switches in my head was just turning fluorescent and pounding. You know? So when he yelled “Jassim, your orders are all wrong. What’s going on with you today, is everything okay with you?” That fluorescent switch erupted like Shiveluch on steroids. And I was just like yup – I’m done – that’s it. I’m fed up of all these broken promises to myself to leave this place. I’m fed up of all the maybe’s and the tomorrow’s. I want to feel free. Continue reading
I look up at the fluorescent lights; at the perfectly lined up squares covering the ceiling. My eyes flirt with the smoke detector, as my mind wanders to a world where I have the health to light up a cigarette, and set it off. Ironic, isn’t it? That when you can, you justify it. But when it might possibly be the reason you’re in this mess to begin with; you don’t loathe it- but you loathe yourself for letting it slaughter you.
A smirk creeps onto my face abruptly. Oh, the amount of people I may never have known if it wasn’t for it. And as soon as my smirk settled; it fluttered off by her voice. Continue reading
Boxed in an alternate reality
clouded by truth and insecurities
in love with a notion of freedom
that I will never be accustomed to having
shackled to a world of the dominating
fighting and screaming to leave
to shatter it all; Continue reading
Life has taught me not to trust, and not to welcome. I was taught to shelter myself from everybody. To shield myself from even those who seem to be worthy. People wear masks and those masks only perish when it’s too late. When you’ve given all you can give, when parts of you are deeply invested and it’s hard to step away. Continue reading
Take the care I had for you,
exhale in a balloon made up of your deepest hopes,
and burst it with my bare teeth.
Take all the thoughts I had about you,
all the moments I wasted with you jolting recklessly into my mind
at all odd hours of the day,
and charge them into that abyss you seem to be living in. Continue reading
I am unseen.
Behind all those smiles
all those contacts,
all those hugs,
all those hello’s and how are you’s, Continue reading
The institute of education is now corrupt,
it has been refashioned
from something that was so pure-
from purely wanting to spread knowledge, and
to nurture those who will be brilliant.
The institute of education has now become:
Do the minimum you can, to get a grade, which will tell you how smart you are.
Memorize words without understanding the depth behind them. Continue reading
I feel your loss
I feel it oozing out of your being and devouring you entirely.
“We loved with a love that was more than love.”
Donated our hearts, desires, thoughts, and dreams for them.
We surrendered to their tenderness
We surrendered to their compassion
We surrendered to our love for their love and so
we gave it all up to keep them.
It was never going to be enough and we knew that
But it was always worth trying.
Our now hollow bodies have lost both them, and ourselves.
I know how it is
to tell me of your sleepless nights in hospital rooms;
to tell me of your atrophy
And I feel you, blood.
I feel your words echoing on my insides.
I feel you because I too have lost
I too have had to build myself up.
I continue to cement together the atoms that make me up.
Inch upon inch I am now glued together in a mosaic of destruction
just waiting to collapse,
expecting the ultimate defeat.
You speak of his good deeds and
I wish to speak of hers, too.
I mourn for her with her every inhale and exhale.
I mourn for her every time I take a look at her smiling face.
I mourn for her even as she’s mouthing me the words
“I love you.”
The first time the police drove me home I was eighteen years old. I couldn’t be at home anymore, I couldn’t breathe in that unswerving state. It didn’t matter how hard I inhaled, I was gasping empty breaths. I carried around a wrinkled old brown bag everywhere with me. I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without it. It was an extension to my being. The more wrinkled that bag got, the more I realized that this isn’t it for me. That’s when it all started. That’s when I realized I couldn’t live that life anymore. Continue reading
“And in threes they pour.” She whispered and kissed his parted, still lips with her eyes wide open. She couldn’t close her eyes- not yet.
Sci·am·a·chy noun [sahy-am–uh-kee]: an act or instance of fighting a shadow or an imaginary enemy.
I looked down at my trampled ribs
at my sliced, flattened, and beaten carcass.
It was once mine but now belongs to the edifice.
“There is only one way out.” Continue reading
Chocolate! Everywhere! For miles all he could see was chocolate, and his eyes bulged out as if they were going to escape their sockets; Kit Kat, Aero, Flake, Galaxy, Milky Way, Bueno, M&M’s, and oh! so many Maltesers. He picked up one of the Maltesers packets, pried it open with his teeth, and raised it up to empty the whole bag into his mouth. Before he could even take a bite, he heard a faint voice calling his name, “Abdulrahman.” Continue reading
War is peace.
“Abu Osman, trust me on this- people implode when you control them. It is only human nature,” her mother pleaded as she watched her husband explode with rage. I can’t believe this, I can’t believe this. I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS. Is he actually putting up a fight? Seriously? There is no logic behind anything he is saying. What does he mean women shouldn’t drive? ALL women shouldn’t drive? Yeah. Sure. Like he would be where he is without the women in his life. He is a fucking tyrant. All I want to do is depend on myself. All I want to do is be able to take my life into my own hands. He of all people should realize that. Aggravating little shitty tyrant. Continue reading