She paces, back and forth, too afraid to go in, to see him again. She fears being reminded of what she has done.
Not that she could ever forget, the darkness that haunts her, the nightmares that break her from her flimsy sleep, peace refusing to visit her; but seeing him back in person will only tighten the knot in her stomach she’d been carrying ever since.
She pauses, her back to the door, pushing down the feeling of queasiness. She spins around in a moment of courage and madness, grips the handle. Hesitates.
She snatches her hand back as if she’d touched fire and brings it up to her face. Her front teeth resting on the nail of her thumb. The dread boiling within her is in a tug war with longing.
Longing to see his face one more time, to see him.
I remember the first time we shook hands
My palms came back covered in moon dust
And something within my soul reached for you
Something within me recognized the familairty
Like ancient pieces fitting back together after centuries of being apart
The red thread around my pinky felt like it hung loose and short
No longer being pulled tight by distance
And when you first called me sunshine
I thought you recognized it too
I never knew sadness could take hold of a heart so tightly.
Didnt know it could clutch to it
Sinking its talons deep inside
Never knew a heart could feel so heavy
So swollen and bruised
Never felt like it could ooze out with poison before
I never experienced this kind of longing
The kind that could cause your brittle heart to want to claw its way out of its cage